Why you should never date a prison guard...

I’ve had yet another awful date…and this one takes the cake!

Zack, who works in corrections, and has the personality of papier mache (and about the same complexion), pursued me off and on through a local dating site for about several years. I never went out with him because a) I was young and didn't think his job was hot enough (yes, I admit it), and b) he lives in Abbotsford. Periodically he'd message me and I'd get out of it...for a while we were even Facebook friends...but  I always cut contact after not too long. Well, this time, I've been reading a book about settling for Mr. Good Enough if you want to get married and have a family...so I figured, why not? He's still into me, he's messaged me again...I'll see what he's like! No. Just go with your gut if you're ever in this situation...trust me. 

I had been text messaging with him for a couple of days when he started talking about sex, and his equipment, and my body, even when I requested he not. I was told "don't want a shy woman ;)" - wait, so I don't get an opinion on topics of conversation that make me uncomfortable? Ok, cool, good to know... I let that pass and figured maybe he was just overly brash by text...so we made plans for dinner a couple weeks ago, and I drove out to the valley on my day off in order to meet him. Let's be honest, I've made a habit of trekking out to meet guys and they're ALWAYS a disappointment...so at least I've learned that lesson...finally.  On this particular occasion I left late afternoon on my day off, and got into the traffic shuffle of rush hour in the Lower Mainland, fully aware that it would take me quite a while to get out to Abbotsford for the meeting. That being said, I had never been to House of James (Christian bookstore & coffee shop), so I was looking forward to getting to finally check it out. 

After a little under 2 hours in bumper to bumper traffic on Hwy 1, I arrived in Abbotsford and set out to explore the store - dangerous...but that's another story! ;)

Not long after I got out there and he called to say he was going to be late, but that I should pick him up at his place and we'd go for Chinese. Now, I've already driven all the way out there and he expects me to pick him up...that didn't sit well with me. When I got there, he was indeed late, and showed up in ripped clothes, and not even stylishly weathered...I mean jeans he'd torn the knee on, that weren't hemmed short enough for him so they were frayed and filthy - another so called 5'8", this time he was shorter than me in my 1.5" heels. In the end he took one look at my little beater of a car and we took his...and by the way - he's an aggressive driver who doesn't use turn signals. SOOO exciting.

You know what else is fun? Having your date put his head down on his crossed arms at the table half a dozen times, check the football score, and then start talking about the well known local convicted serial killer who's on his block that he speaks to every day.  


He also insisted on talking about future dates and spending nights and weekends together, and complaining that we would have to stay at his place all the time, since my parents live upstairs from me (an increasingly regular occurrence for singletons in the GVRD due to the economy and housing costs!). I disabused him of the notion that my parents aren't human beings with a sex life of their own, and assured him that I carry on a normal social and romantic life in my own home...and in the end I put it quite bluntly - "get over it". Not that he had a snowball's chance of ever needing to worry about it at this point!

But wait - it gets better!!!! When the bill came, he didn't even turn it over to look at it...just leaned back in his chair and asked how much it was when I reached - then asked if I wanted to "just split it down the middle" and said he would pay next time - not that there would be a next time! So I went along with it, I just wanted to get back to my car (parked at his place argh) and go home...an hour drive away. After paying, as we walked out of the restaurant, he grabbed the back of my neck and gave me a couple half hearted one handed squeezes...I shrugged him off, and the next thing I knew he hauled off and smacked my ass so hard he knocked me forward 2 steps. Now, I'm a big, curvy girl...he put some oomph behind that smack. I whipped around, "EXCUSE me?!" and he just grinned at me and said "Just a tap" and shrugged his shoulders.  I was then regaled with how hard it is for anyone he dates with his schedule, and that when he's on his 4 days on schedule, I would have to accept never getting to see him. Oh shoot...

Jump to us arriving back at his place, and him asking if I want to come up. I ended up saying yes, simply because I needed to use the bathroom, but he got snarky and said I could say no if I wanted to. Just to spite him I reiterated that I would come up - for half an hour. When we got upstairs, I realized I couldn't bring myself to use his washroom, so sat gingerly on the couch...at which point he demanded a back rub. Yup...that happened...

So you know what? I gave him one. With my elbows. After 5 or so minutes I told him I was getting sore, and he had begun whimpering, so I figured I'd made my point - until he laid back and put his head on my chest and told me how much he liked having me there. Good lord...the man had no idea what he was doing, or the effect he was having on me!!!

At exactly 30 minutes after arriving, I told him I had to leave...and got up, heading for the door. He came up and hugged me, then kissed my cheek, and asked if he was going to get to see me again. I replied "anything is possible" and legged it out the door. 

This one really was one of the more interesting ones in a while...but seriously?! What is it about me that inspires this sort of thing? I clearly need to set some better boundaries, or just stop dating for a while...

Carpenters and couriers and men who can't read a clock...

Ok, so fall 2016 has been another adventure in bad dates...to the point where I've almost got a ritual of going home, putting on pjs, turning on Netflix and pouring myself a (very nice!) glass of scotch. My Facebook friends are even starting to recognize what it means when I post a photo of scotch in front of the tv. Yes, it's been that much fun!

A brief recap...starting in the last week of September we had Aaron, who is a driver for a large courier chain.

Aaron sleeps with his 100+pound pitbull mix dog, the hair on his arms had hair I SWEAR, said he was 5'8" and was barely the same height as me - 5'5", maybe 5'51/2" in sneakers. He was late, after I went to his neighborhood...a cardinal sin, but the main similarity in ALL THREE of my bad dates so far this fall. Go figure. He'd seemed really nice and sweet when we were talking on the phone and texting, but when we came face to face, there was absolutely zero chemistry...I've had better chemistry with waiters at Boston Pizza. I will say, he paid for our drinks, and walked me to my car, and never bothered to message me again - I'm thinking the lack of spark was mutual. That, or he picked up the crazy I was throwing down. I started talking about how many babies I want, and how crazy my family is, and told him I've got a temper...none of which scared him off. It was bizarre! I think me beating a path for my car and putting the door between us was his hint though. I do wish him all the best though, we just weren't a match.

After that came the Big Gay Whistler Wedding for my friend and his new hubby. I had high hopes of meeting up with a lovely bearded Scotsman I'd gone out with last fall when he was in the city...sadly, our schedules didn't match up, and I was left messaging a guy name Stew I'd met online.

Stew and I had been talking for about a week off and on at that point, and he'd just gotten back from visiting his hometown in the maritimes. Shock of shocks, he asked me out on a proper date (to a BC Lions game...meh), and didn't mention sex or even make an innuendo once. He was the picture of polite and I was really looking forward to finally meeting a nice guy. A few days later, once I was back in town, we decided to meet up for a drink rather than wait for the game day to roll around. Boy am I glad we did... Once again, I drove out to where he lived, and once again, my date was late. For the first time in my life I nearly walked out of a pub before a date arrived! He kept texting and saying he was 5 or 10 minutes away, and when he finally showed up he was 35 minutes late. He ordered 2 pounds of hot wings and a caesar, and proceeded to dunk his fingers in his glass to fish out the garnish, and then attacked this plate of wings and just...sauce...everywhere...talking around it, and he did. not. shut. up. He was wiry and pale, and sat sort of hunched over like someone was going to sneak up and take his food. I was regaled with several bizarre tales about how difficult his life has been since moving to BC, and how he actually hates working and all the people out here, but that he's just got to keep going. I didn't even order a drink...I sipped water...and after about 45 minutes I finally made my excuses and went to leave - he insisted on walking me to my car. The waitress didn't know what to make of him, she kept walking past and making faces at his back, picking up stuff he'd knocked off the bar station next to him or his jacket he dropped multiple times. It was something else... I did the slow fade on that one and he didn't really seem terribly bothered in the end. Home to Netflix and scotch that night.

(Not that I have all of these...but I'd like them haha)

So, part of this is on me - I should have left when Stew was more than 10 minutes late, and really I shouldn't have gone out of my way to go to meet them. That being said, it's interesting just how many men are willing to behave like total prats and don't seem to get that they're not showing ANY manners to their dates.

What's the opinion on how much effort to put into a date? Should we women be asking, or driving out of our way, and putting all the effort in, or should we require men to prove their interest?

And more importantly, why do I keep getting treated like an option, rather than a prize?