The tale of the disappearing mantis...

I've been absent from my blog for far too long…things have just been that crazy so far this year. I cannot believe it's already the 2^nd week of March – how the hell did that happen???

The last time I wrote, I was in the middle of trying to determine what was happening with the guy I'd started seeing at the beginning of December. My last post focused on the pitfalls of communicating with other people, particularly when launching a romantic relationship. It didn't end well…in fact,  it didn't really end per say – I got ghosted.

A friend dubbed this one the "Sailing Mantis", which is what we'll stick with as far as a name goes. It fits, because he was 6'6", very thin, and owns 2 sailboats which he races competitively. He's also older (mid-40's), French (not Quebecois), and one of the most frustrating people I've tried to interact with in a very long time.  I know I tend to ramble and write long detailed posts, but I'll try to condense the 6 weeks of bs into a shorter write up than usual. HA.

The Mantis had started contact with me initially back in 2012, right after my return from Ireland. I don't remember my reasons now, but despite him being attractive, sweet, funny and charming, for reasons known only to my 29 year old self, I made excuses when he asked me out and then let it dwindle away. In essence, I ghosted on him. Now, in fairness, we hadn't met in person, that being said I accept that I should have been honest with him if I didn't want to meet him instead of just disappearing on him. More on that later.

Fast forward to the end of November 2016 – The Mantis messaged me on POF again, and we started communicating constantly. Things were looking good, so we made our first date. I couldn't remember why I didn't want to see him in 2012, so I assumed it was a nothing issue (I'm famous for those…) and moved forward with plans for coffee at Chapters Metrotown. I started to feel off about it within a day of the plans, and worse as the moment approached…suddenly he was a little more difficult to get ahold of on Facebook Messenger  (our only mode of communication after POF – he never did give me his cell number), and he asked if we could push it to another time, etcetera, etcetera. I went along with it, feeling annoyed, but figured that it would work out in the long run. He showed up a few minutes late, but was nice and chatty, bought our coffees, and then we started walking the mall. We walked and talked for over an hour, and it wasn't the most pleasant coffee date I've ever had I must say, but I was determined to make the best of it. He talked about his boats a lot, and his drinking prowess, and his work as a management consultant, and about his family who are all back in Europe, who he's estranged from. There wasn't a lot of give and take and I honestly didn't think I wanted to see him again. He insisted on walking me to my car, where he gave me a hug and declared "You're very good looking, but I'm sure you know that". I wasn't sure how to respond, it didn't feel like a natural compliment…things got awkward and we joked about getting together again and I left it at that.

We continued talking and the following week we saw each other briefly while I was shopping in the vicinity of his office after work one evening. He went out of his way to come and meet me, and we sat in his car and talked for 15 minutes or so. It was strange, the conversation didn't flow and again he talked about his life and goings on, but showed little to no interest in me or mine. He also informed me at one point that in addition to being very sarcastic, he has no empathy within him. He said "I looked once, it's not there. If you want sympathy, get it from your friends or family, because you won't get it from me" – I didn't know what to do with that. I made my excuses and left, but he demanded a hug again, so I complied and exited the vehicle…feeling a little bit confused.

After that, communication continued on a regular basis, but I was definitely more interested and driving it I now realize. However, we made plans for him to come over the following weekend, between work and an event he had to attend. He was always flitting off to meetings or gatherings, and made it seem that I was fortunate to get any time at all; not a feeling I enjoyed.

When he came over the following Friday, we sat and had tea and chatted, and eventually he made a move on me. We ended up making out for quite a while…but again…it was strange, and I didn't really know what to think when all was said and done. Side note: I don't get it when people rave about how sexy the French accent is…it just does nothing for me LOL. The Mantis portion of the name came from my description of the make out session to a guy friend...I was trying to describe just how uncomfortable it had been, given his height...for him to loom over me on my love seat, with his extremely long legs, one folded up (uncomfortably I'm sure) and the other jutting out across the room...and the only thing I could liken it to was having a praying mantis on top of me. 

At any rate, over the course of the evening he had told me he was leaving Boxing Day (3 days later) headed to Montreal for New Years, and would be back mid-January. At the time, I figured we'd pick up with more dates and getting to know one another better; despite my initial misgivings, I was getting attached, as we women are wont to do.

We continued talking the entire time he was away but things felt very different, and then the tone of our chats turned very sexual. As in the only thing he really wanted to talk about what his plans for when we'd be alone together, and all sorts of fantasies and demands. He was very convincing, and I enjoyed the flirtation and how it made me feel and I allowed myself to get swept up in all of it…but then he didn't come back when he said he would. When my cat died and I was going through that awful experience, his responses were cold and unemotional, and he seemed to have forgotten about it by the next day. He had been completely serious when telling me he was unsympathetic – I was floored. When you're starting to see someone, you usually put the best you forward, try to make a good impression and solidify your image as someone they should want around – right?? It was like he was trying to win me over by being a jerk.

After this, apparently he extended his trip a week – but I only found out when I asked when he'd gotten home, and was told he was still in Montreal. Once he did get back he told me he was sick and to give him a couple of days, so I did, and asked if I could do anything to help…he managed to work sex into the conversation again, so I just let it go. When the weekend came I said I hoped we'd be able to get together if he was feeling better – he told me he would be racing his boat all weekend. So I asked (peevishly), "When do I get to see this boat that's so wonderful?" He said "When it's warmer probably" – this was Friday January 13^th, and the last night I heard from him.

After that exchange – there were a few other one line messages that night before silence descended – I decided to let him message me. After all, I'd been making it far too easy for him, I'd been doing the chasing, and we all know that men love the chase…at least that's what we're told.

Days went by with no messages…then weeks. Nothing.

I went from hearing from him constantly and being told "I'm going to dominate you", and told how sexy and beautiful I was every day, to nothing. Complete radio silence.

I've gone over the 6 weeks in my mind over and over, and talked about it with friends until they know the tale as well as I do…and none of us can figure out what happened. Was it some bizarre ego stroke for him? I've never encountered something like this where a guy was gung ho for sex but it never materialized…and he disappeared. Having dealt with the proverbial "hit it and quit it" situation in the past, that would have made sense…but this prolonged digital seduction and then nothing? Very perplexing.

So, I deleted him from my Facebook, took him off my favourites list on POF and have moved on…though it still niggles at me…and I wonder – was this some elaborate way of getting back at me for not dating him 5 years ago? I know, how narcissistic of me!!! But…could it be that? Is he that petty? Or was he just that big a jerk that my time and feelings didn't count in his super busy world? I will never know…but it solidified for me that I will NEVER ghost on someone again, and that being up front and honest in your communication is the best way to be.

Must remember to apply that one more…

So much for a shorter post haha