So what do men really think about sex and when you have it?

Ladies and gentlemen, I've been back in the online dating world, trying to make things happen, with no success.

I had an almost encounter the other day with a guy I know from real life (back in the day at least...) who I've run into online a few times. I was optimistic about it, we were super flirty and having fun emailing and texting, but it looks like it's likely going to fade out for one reason or another. Too bad too, he's a great guy and he has these amazing blue eyes...and this cheeky smile, ANYWAY, moving on haha I'd have happily seen where it could end up but, life goes on, am I right?? : ) However, our conversations and the vibe the last time we messaged have left me pondering something that's been on my mind for a while now.

I'm curious what men really think about women and sex and when you have it and everything else. We all know the old conundrum...women are told to be empowered, feel sexually confident, pursue men, be in control of their sexual and romantic destiny in this modern era - but always keep in mind that if you have sex or talk about it too early, you're branded easy or a slut, and aren't relationship material that they would take home to meet the parents. I know from personal experience that in fact, you can have something more develop from an initially primarily physical connection. After all, if you weren't attracted to each other you wouldn't have hooked up in the first place, am I right??

I decided to take a look at some blog posts and articles on the subject, and men seem as divided as we are on the topic, but the slight majority seems to be in favour of more being possible even if you sleep together on the first date. Interesting...one comment I found particularly applicable on "would you not date someone because she had sex with you on the first date was this one:
34. JJ, 21, straight -
Only if the guy is shallow. He did it too." (from http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2013/08/100-men-on-would-you-date-someone-who-slept-with-you-on-the-first-date/)

How true! There are plenty of other comments in this particular article, by men (of different ages and histories) who dated and in many cases married and had a family with a woman who they had sex with on the first date. That being said, there are also plenty of comments talking about how they think a woman's easy if she does it, and wondering "who else would she sleep with" if she'll sleep with you? Now hang on a second boys, why is it ok for YOU to be easy...and are we not supposed to wonder "who else would HE sleep with" from our side of the table? This one in particular irked me...

28. Owen, 27, straight

That would be bad. Sex is a conquest thing, if you sleep with him on the first date. He doesn’t have anything to look forward to from you from there. Will probably leave you in the dust.

Nice. It's wonderful to know that it's all a contest!

I'm not saying I go out and have sex on the first date, I haven't even had a date in well over a year...those are the things where you go out and have awkward conversations with a stranger and eat things you don't really pay attention to right? Or get hyper caffeinated sitting in Starbucks making idle chit chat because neither one of you wants to be the one to look rude and say you have to go...right? ; ) What I'm saying is, I haven't felt the connection the last several first dates I've had, to even think of going that next step. However, I do feel like if you meet someone great, or you have a friendship that transitions to sex, then a potential relationship shouldn't be taken off the table. It's just disrespectful to apply such a gender bias to the situation, and it puts all of the onus on the woman to "maintain her purity" and "behave like a lady", when maybe you're both just really ready to go for it and see what happens. I don't know if what anyone else thinks, but that's where my head is at today!  As number 82 in the list said "Why not? That just shows you know what you want".

Another day, another year...where has the time gone?

Well, it's been ages since I had much to say, and it's been around a year since I had anything to say about dating/men...I have no blog fodder!! lol


The house is in order again following the holidays...well...mostly. The sewing room is a little chaos vortex all its own, so I'm not counting it in the process of organizing the rooms that people might actually see if they come over. That's my little bastion of madness haha Hmm that sounds a wee bit mad doesn't it?

Let me see...not much else to report, either goal-wise or in results. The goals remain the same as they were last year: lose about 30 pounds, hike the Grind, get organized and STAY organized, oh and maybe travel again this year since I haven't gone anywhere since Easter 2012.

That's it folks! One thing I'll do in 2014 is endeavour to stay on top of my blogging, and maybe get out on some more dates so I at least have amusing disasters to report on! ;)

Slainte!

JuneBugs by Brandy

So, a little bit of shameless self-promotion...

I am having trouble marketing my handicrafts, but since I have both a Facebook page AND an Etsy shop, I thought I'd share them with all of you (because there are so many of you ;) lol).

My Etsy shop can be found at https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/JuneBugs?ref=si_shop

My Facebook page can be found at https://www.facebook.com/JuneBugsBC

Visit, buy, share, promote! I look forward to hearing from you all soon!!

Skewed importance given digital time...

So, just a short post today, but I thought that this subject warranted some sort of discussion when it popped into my head last night.

I'm in a few different social groups on one level or another...a metaphysics focused book club, my church, friends I've met working at the university over the years, friends from high school, friends from my travels, etcetera Recently I added an acquaintance from one of these circles on Facebook. I figured that since we spend time together in real life, and we've exchanged ideas and laughs and have friends in common, well why not. Social media is after all how a lot of communication and exchange of ideas happen.

Last night I thought "I haven't gotten a response from person x yet, I'll take a peek at their profile..." When I got to said profile, the friend request button once again said "+1 Add Friend", not "Friend Request Pending". Huh.

I sat there for a minute and pondered this, because I had just seen this person a few days earlier and laughed and chatted one on one and in a group. The conclusion I came to was this: I'm not worthy of their digital time. I know, it's a bizarre notion...but we all make determinations of who we will share our digital selves with, either by utilizing security settings, or watching what we post where and when, or who we allow access to our profiles and pages.

The thing that bothers me most about this particular situation isn't the fact that they have decided to (quite obviously) exclude me from online contact. The part that bothers me most is how skewed our society has become towards the "importance" of online and the digital world. My mother and grandmother complain about it constantly, how our generation has no sense of how to behave properly, of manners, or sensitivity towards others who aren't immersed in the digital age. They may actually be on to something...

When I add a person on Facebook or other social media, it's because I have met them at some point in the real world, even if it was only a chance meeting at a book signing or something like that. If I wouldn't happily engage you in conversation face to face, why would I share my vacation photos or my angsts and triumphs with you? As a result, I have pared my "friends" list down to around 150 people, all of whom I consider at least an acquaintance, the bulk though are friends and family.

What this person has done, and many others (think of those people who have thousands of "friends"...what is that all about, really?!), is disconnect from real human relationships to a large degree. If you will spend time with someone in real life and discuss important events or break bread with them, what on earth could be so important about your Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn or any other social media or online messaging, that you wouldn't share with them?

I think it's time for people to reevaluate their priorities. I know I will definitely be looking at certain people I encounter in my daily life who have imposed online embargoes on people in a different light.

Thoughts? Comments.

Time fliiiiiiiiiiiies!!

Wow, it's August 1. My last post looks to have been February...soooo much has happened since then!
I am not, however, going to try to fill you in on all of it in detail...suffice to say there have been dating experiences, there have been concerts, family turmoil, lots of new craft/sewing projects, and struggles in faith and community. Whew. Crazy times!!

2 weeks ago I did the South (first) peak of the Stawamus Chief in Squamish, BC. Wow. I'm so pleased that I survived the hike/slog/death march up and down that mountain!!! This was something I didn't think I'd manage, and is *technically* part of training for the Grouse Grind (I've been talking about doing this for over a year now haven't I...well I do mean to do it! Honest! lol).

Last weekend I hiked around Buntzen Lake in Anmore/Belcarra region. It's an 8km ish hike, and we did an extra 1km and I swam at the beach we hit after a couple hours. That was a good long hike, and it was varied terrain, as opposed to 2.5km straight up the side of a mountain *groans*

I think I'll try to mix it up a bit the next few weeks, and the plan is to hit Mercer Stadium in New West a few nights a week to do the stairs. The stairmaster is not an adequate training tool for large, uneven, stone and root stairs on trails like the Chief and the Grind.

I'm still working on some issues in my life, and boundaries are still not my strong suit, but hopefully in a month or two I'll be on a more even footing there. Maybe then I can look at taking on another activity or two...how else will I ever meet single men? Certainly not at church lol

So, there we go! Brief update and some forward thinking...

ps. Oh yeah, I started off on a 40 day prayer pact with a gal I know through my metaphysics focused book club...and I think I'm going to extend it to 365 days. Hopefully after that it will just be second nature! *fingers crossed*

Lesson or blessing?

Soooo...I think this will be the last entry regarding our confusing friend Sean (http://gorgeousingreengrowth.blogspot.ca/2013/01/why-cant-i-just-meet-nice-anglican-man.html and the others referenced therein).

I've tried messaging him casually a couple of times since Christmas, asking how his move was going...how his holidays were, that sort of stuff. I've gotten monosyllabic answers and brush-offs like "I'm still mid-move" (15 days after his move date hrm...).

So today I bit the bullet and sent him a text that I vowed to myself would be my last attempt to reach out and see where the heck things are at (considering we made out and snuggled and he was so awesome and it *seemed* like maybe there was something there after all these years...) after all, a gal's gotta know right?

So I said I was thinking of him and thought I'd say hi. He wrote back "Hi. I'm in unpacking chaos" So I said "Ooh brutal, I'd offer to help but I wouldn't be much help. If you ever want any company in the chaos let me know :) Think I'm off for a hot bath post snowshoeing"  He said "I think I'll be ok, just a lot of stuff to move around". So I decided to wrap the convo up and said I was about to settle in for a movie post soak and hopefully he's organized enough to hang out sometime in the near future.

Sean: "Ok, but as friends. Hope that's ok."

What. The. @*$# ?!?!?! Seriously?!? He comes over and makes a move and acts all cuddly and interested and says we'll get together again, and 5 weeks later it's "just friends" as though I initiated or had the expectation of more????

So I calmly wrote back "Ah, ok, sure :) wasn't sure where we left it after Christmas. We had fun though, so it's all good. I'm going to get organized and make dinner though, and you know where to find me, so happy unpacking! :D" Suuuuuuuuure it was overly cheerful with a tinge of F*** off you bastard to it, but whatever, it is what it is!

Sean: "Sorry if you got confused. We hung out a little, and it was fun"

We ....I'm sorry "We hung out a little and it was fun"?! He decided to go when I wouldn't go past making out...does this sound like a mature 32 year old here? To me it seems like a jilted teenager sulking about not getting to round the bases (remember he's the one that used that analogy :p ugh).

So, I wrote back one final note before putting my phone down "Like I said, we had fun. We're good" That is the last message I will send to him. If he messages and wants to hang out I will think very carefully before doing so, and I will ONLY do so as a friend...but quite frankly, given our history it's just so not going to happen. We've been screwing each other around emotionally for 6 or so years, we're not going to ever be able to be friends in truth, and clearly he's not the right guy for me or he would have shown it over the years instead of trying to push my boundaries and then being a dick when I stopped him.

Time to find a man who's mature, intelligent, has a strong faith life, ambition and plans for the future, and one who appreciates the fact that I'm an opinionated, sometimes lazy, occasionally overwhelming but considerate, loving, nurturing, sarcastic, quirky, woman with a faith life she loves who wants a man to complement her life, not be her life. Is it too much to ask to meet a man who I can have endless conversations about either grave world issues or something stupid like tv characters, but still have a spark, romance, and at the end of the day just a companionable respect and friendship? Hmm...guess we'll see what God has in store for me this year eh?

Either way, I'm going to live by the following saying from now on when it comes to people in my life:
"We met for a reason: you're either a blessing or a lesson". I now realize that Sean was a series of lessons and I'm finally learning what I was meant to learn. :) That feels great.

Off to groan and moan about the muscle pain from my long snowshoe trek today...can't wait for next week's go round :D

Winter fun

So, it's time to throw myself back into sharing ridiculously useless information with my nearest, dearest, furthest and the general population of the internet. Yay?

Let's see...what to say about the last...well, month I guess?

1) Going back to work on January 2nd after a shitty NYE night out and almost 2 weeks off work sucked so much worse than expected.

2) I FINALLY saw The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Sure they add a ton of crap that wasn't in the actual Hobbit, and there are some scenes that could be shortened without damaging any of the storyline/feel of it...but it's beautiful and it has a fantastic cast. Loved it.

3) I got some new fabrics and have a couple new projects on the go. One colleague has ordered oven mitts and pot holders (after ordering $180 of stuff for Christmas gifts back in November...so I think I'll do my best to keep her coming back! lol). Another has asked me to make a political figure voodoo doll, since I've started making anti-Valentine's day ones...we'll see if the political one turns out...

4) I'm going to start going to a reading group that a couple of friends I attend mass with are a part of...and I'm not sure but I think it may be over my head. Definitely an interesting book/topic, I just hope I can keep up! lol

5) I got to see my niece Miss B again last weekend...which was a ridiculously overdue visit, since I hadn't seen her in a month...I see my god son A more. Oh well.

6) The NHL lockout ended!!!!!!! Too bad my Canucks aren't the best in the league anymore...grrr....

7) Most importantly: I tried snow shoeing yesterday up at Grouse Mountain. Oh. My. God. That was the most fun I've had in the snow in a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time!!! Finally, an outdoor activity (and a winter one no less!!) that I enjoy. : D I'm hoping to do it at least once a week for the rest of the winter. I think it'd be a great thing for me to do, especially because I found it fun instead of onerous.

And a final note...I was told yesterday that my blog is reminiscent of Bridget Jones, and then later that I'm kind of like Liz Lemon...urgh. As crummy as that might be on the surface, Bridget gets her Mr. Darcy in the end...so I just have to sift through all the Daniels...ugh no more Daniels...let's see how February goes??