I can hardly believe it, but in less than 24 hours I'll be on my way to Ireland for the 3rd time since September 2008. Clearly I'm a sucker for punishment, but if you know me very well, you already knew that. ;)
I spent the day learning what veils go where in the church (veiling Saturday leading into the home stretch of Lent and the approach of Easter - hooray!), and running around trying to sort out last minute items I needed for the trip. I had a bit of an issue this morning when someone who was supposed to help with Saoirse backed out at the last minute...so it wasn't the best start to my day. After working at the church I went to Mountain Equipment Co-op for a few things and had a run-in with the parking ticket machine. That thing is soooooo....there are no polite words for it. It declined the $1.50 charge for an hour's parking on my credit card 3 times. Normally I would have just left, but it was a sunny day, and a cute guy with a motor bike had struck up a conversation with me about the darned machine and he offered to pay my parking. So, despite all the complaining I do about buses, and bad drivers and people in general, it's nice to be reminded that there are genuinely nice people out there that you're bound to encounter now and then. Didn't hurt that he was cute of course ;)
I then spent the evening doing laundry and searching for items I *know* I own and have laid hands on in recent history, and yet cannot find for the life of me. I miss the days when Marisa was my roommate...she had an uncanny knack for finding whatever I'd misplaced...although it was usually because she did lots of the cleaning/organizing and I was slightly oblivious. LOL Still...I miss our little hunts for missing items around the house. She would totally know where my luggage scale is if she still lived here...I'll have to settle for tearing things apart tomorrow before she arrives to drive me to the airport in the evening.
As for packing, well, it's a four-letter word at this point. The laundry's still in process (2 baskets of it still to be folded and inspected to determine if the contents are going along with me or not), and I don't know 100% which luggage I'm using yet. This has Saoirse all wound up, because the sight of ANY luggage tells her what's going on, and multiple pieces sitting open, well they become convenient places to take a nap. Very helpful. Everything will be covered in fur when I get to Dublin...good times!
On that note, with my sad kitty sleeping on the bed next to me as I type, I'm going to log off and try to get some sleep. I have lots to do in the hours between waking and departing tomorrow and I'm sure (experience has taught me this...) that I will end up running behind no matter how early I start on my list.
Dublin here I come!!!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
6 days until vacation
I can hardly believe it, but in 6 days I'll be heading to YVR to fly to Ireland!!!!!
This is my 3rd visit since fall 2008, and the least thought out I must admit. It looks like everything had been sorted out with the charges for my tours, I've booked a gorgeous hotel for the end of my trip, and British Airways sent a confirmation/welcome email regarding my flight this morning.
Today I went to the credit union and got some euros and British pounds, then went next door and got my travel insurance. Ian: it doesn't draw on PBC, it draws on MSP if necessary, I remembered to ask' ;)
So, I guess once I get the laundry done all that's left to do is pack...
I'm finally getting properly excited about this trip. It doesn't seem quite so unreal anymore.
This is my 3rd visit since fall 2008, and the least thought out I must admit. It looks like everything had been sorted out with the charges for my tours, I've booked a gorgeous hotel for the end of my trip, and British Airways sent a confirmation/welcome email regarding my flight this morning.
Today I went to the credit union and got some euros and British pounds, then went next door and got my travel insurance. Ian: it doesn't draw on PBC, it draws on MSP if necessary, I remembered to ask' ;)
So, I guess once I get the laundry done all that's left to do is pack...
I'm finally getting properly excited about this trip. It doesn't seem quite so unreal anymore.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Day 572...give or take a few...
Yes, I figured out how many days I've worked over the last 3 years, and come to the conclusion that today's transit trip was the start of Day 572.
Every day is an adventure, though generally one anticipated with trepidation.
Today's journey started with a bus driver who decided that holding our commute up to have a conversation with his greasy friend who was exiting the bus was entirely acceptable. The Skytrain wasn't SO bad, but there really is a point where no more adult human beings can safely fit into the space available. Note, I'm not saying comfortably, because comfort is the last thing on anyone's mind as they jam in cheek to jowl because goodness knows THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER TRAIN AGAIN!!! Wait, there's another one coming in 2 or 3 minutes? Screw that, I HAVE to be on this one! : p At least I assume that's what's going through the minds of the Transit zombies cramming themselves in next to me.
Production Station...ah what can I possibly say about the joyous wait for the 145 up the hill from Production Station that won't get me arrested? Hmm...it's...character building? I have witnessed so many feats of rudeness over the years, and yet it still amazes me on a daily basis. When you are at the back of a line that is hundreds of people deep, why is it acceptable to rush forward and shove yourself bodily into a gap that wouldn't fit a 2 year old at the back door of the bus? Not only are you not remotely important enough to negate the queuing protocol, but now the driver can't get the doors to close for the next 2 or 3 minutes, and by that point the next bus has pulled up behind it. Good job Einstein.
This morning's ride up the hill (I waited for the 3rd bus that came along, in order to get a seat) was everything I expected and more. That's not a positive thing.
The highlights of today's ride were the older woman who thunked her striped HBC bag down next to my head and grasped the post next to me for dear life, with her bag that's NOT a shoulder bag thrown across her body and onto my lap. I pushed it off my lap and she apologized. Then shoved it right back onto my lap. I eventually closed my eyes and pretended she wasn't there. Next to her was a charming young man who also thunked his bag down (why should anyone be forced to carry their own possessions when there's flat space available somewhere?? what was I thinking??), and proceeded to play air guitar against said bag. Now, air guitar is meant to be a silent thing...something that morons do on Transit along with their ipod...he clearly thought rubbing his bag was contributing to the music because that's what I got to listen to/observe all the way up the mountain. "scritch, scratch, scritchschritchscritchschrtchschraaaatch..." and on and on and on.
Here's hoping the ride home is less entertaining...?
Every day is an adventure, though generally one anticipated with trepidation.
Today's journey started with a bus driver who decided that holding our commute up to have a conversation with his greasy friend who was exiting the bus was entirely acceptable. The Skytrain wasn't SO bad, but there really is a point where no more adult human beings can safely fit into the space available. Note, I'm not saying comfortably, because comfort is the last thing on anyone's mind as they jam in cheek to jowl because goodness knows THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER TRAIN AGAIN!!! Wait, there's another one coming in 2 or 3 minutes? Screw that, I HAVE to be on this one! : p At least I assume that's what's going through the minds of the Transit zombies cramming themselves in next to me.
Production Station...ah what can I possibly say about the joyous wait for the 145 up the hill from Production Station that won't get me arrested? Hmm...it's...character building? I have witnessed so many feats of rudeness over the years, and yet it still amazes me on a daily basis. When you are at the back of a line that is hundreds of people deep, why is it acceptable to rush forward and shove yourself bodily into a gap that wouldn't fit a 2 year old at the back door of the bus? Not only are you not remotely important enough to negate the queuing protocol, but now the driver can't get the doors to close for the next 2 or 3 minutes, and by that point the next bus has pulled up behind it. Good job Einstein.
This morning's ride up the hill (I waited for the 3rd bus that came along, in order to get a seat) was everything I expected and more. That's not a positive thing.
The highlights of today's ride were the older woman who thunked her striped HBC bag down next to my head and grasped the post next to me for dear life, with her bag that's NOT a shoulder bag thrown across her body and onto my lap. I pushed it off my lap and she apologized. Then shoved it right back onto my lap. I eventually closed my eyes and pretended she wasn't there. Next to her was a charming young man who also thunked his bag down (why should anyone be forced to carry their own possessions when there's flat space available somewhere?? what was I thinking??), and proceeded to play air guitar against said bag. Now, air guitar is meant to be a silent thing...something that morons do on Transit along with their ipod...he clearly thought rubbing his bag was contributing to the music because that's what I got to listen to/observe all the way up the mountain. "scritch, scratch, scritchschritchscritchschrtchschraaaatch..." and on and on and on.
Here's hoping the ride home is less entertaining...?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Music and memory are funny things
So it's Sunday night, and I'm sitting in bed pondering the upcoming week with my ipod on shuffle next to me. Well, not quite shuffle, it's playing the 25 most played tracks, which heavily features Mumford & Sons and The Script...aaah moody boys singing about emotions.
A thought occurred to me, one that I believe has actually crossed my mind before, specifically linked to Mumford & Sons "I Gave You All", and that is: I really wish I could apologize to all of the perfectly normal guys that I've encountered over the years.
There's something about that song that I can't quite put my fingers on, but it really resonates with me. Maybe it's lines like "if only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could have won". It really makes me think about all of the guys I've dismissed out of turn for some small fault or another, real or imagined; ok 99% of the faults were imagined, I admit it. Was I really so determined to maintain the status quo, so afraid of letting someone in, that I found it easier to unravel anything I started at the first stray thread?
There have been so many really great guys over the years that I completely discounted based on shallow, superficial, nonsensical "reasons". I hate to admit it, but my youngest brother once told me that I'd probably be married by now if I'd just stuck with it and given a guy a chance. There are two in particular that I think about, and to be perfectly honest, regret the way I handled things.
As usual, their names have been changed:
1) Sean: We met online 5 or 6 years ago when he answered an online dating ad I'd placed. I'll admit, I didn't even respond to his first couple of emails, mostly because he didn't include a photo, but also because I just didn't really feel anything when I read his emails...they seemed over the top. But on his third email he finally included a photo and I thought he was cute, so we struck up communication. We clicked, we chatted on the phone, texted, emailed, msn'd but never got around to meeting. He was living in a small apartment with a few other guys going to film school, and I was working full time and doing evening/correspondence classes trying to finish my history degree. That was one thing that I liked about him, he'd done a history degree as well. We had something in common as far as our academic interests went.
As time went on he got snippier when we were chatting, and I got more and more annoyed that we hadn't managed to meet in person. When he read a draft of one of my term papers one night and told me online how unoriginal it was and that my school clearly wasn't that good I lost it. We'd been chatting for a few months at that point, and I just didn't care after that. I cut off contact. At some point in the year after that I got back in touch, and we struck up our online friendship again. We finally got to meet in person, and I was excited because we were both single again (he'd been seeing someone when we first reconnected), and I thought this might be it!! I didn't feel a single spark and did my best to keep it on a friendly level from that point on. Over the next year or two we spoke/texted/chatted sporadically at best, but we were both changing. He'd always been sweet and relationship oriented, and I felt like he'd pursued me for the longest time...then suddenly he wasn't. He met someone again. Things got awkward because I had developed feelings for him again over the years of chatting...and when he said "You're one girl I wish I'd gotten to kiss", I felt he wasn't being fair.
So I started messing with his head a bit...intentionally. Telling him all about dates even once he was single again. Making sure he knew that other men found me interesting and appealing. I guess he figured it out, because he started to do similar things, and I finally got fed up and cut off communication again when he started asking if my cute room mate was single. We had been fighting off and on because he kept accusing me of being too negative, and taking myself too seriously. In retrospect he was 100% right. We didn't speak for a long time after that. At one point in 2011 I decided to email him and see how he was, because to be honest, I think about him and miss him more than I'd care to admit. I didn't know what to expect, but when he did write back it wasn't friendly or engaging. I had clearly done a number on him with my passive-aggressive b.s. back in the day. I'd messed up, and tried to explain that, and that I was sorry. I was rebuffed, softly, but essentially rebuffed.
Then I was going through my old phone just before Christmas this year and found his number. I copied it over to my blackberry and waited for New Year's Eve...and added it to the recipient list for my "Happy New Year!!" mass text, figuring that I could at least shrug it off if it wasn't his number anymore or something. 2 days after NYE he responded...saying that he was surprised I still had his number. We went back and forth a few messages, and I asked how life was etcetera. His response was...well, I'm going to say typical, because clearly he's not the same guy he was but I figure I deserve it...he told me that he'd moved to Burnaby 'with a gal' (I'm guessing a girlfriend? but...who knows...), and not to come on so strong and maybe he would message me sometime. Anyone else think that was a polite "fuck off"? So, when I hear "I Gave You All", I think about Sean in particular, and I'm not sure why...but it makes me regret the way I behaved because he was...and probably still is a REALLY great guy.
2) Jake: The story of Jake is MUCH shorter lol
We met online in the same way that I met Sean, except I messaged him from his ad this time. We hit it off, but I discounted him after a couple of msn chats because he kept bringing up his ex. I figured that he was carrying too much baggage (I know, pot, kettle, etcetera!). He kept on though, and we ended up meeting up for coffee one afternoon after I had a bad night with an ex and (I'm not ashamed to admit it) I needed a little esteem boost. He was great, engaging, intelligent, thought I was cute and smart and funny...what more could a girl want?? Well, after 3 hours or so of conversation in Starbucks we decided to make dinner back at my place, since my roommate & her boyfriend would be there for company. We stopped in for an errand or two I had to do on the way home, and that's when the 'faults' started to appear. He criticized my driving, something about me liking to stay in people's blind spots...because he could totally tell from the passenger seat? I don't know...it was odd. He had studied film in Ontario, and all the way through the movie he went on and on about themes, scores, cinematography, and basically ruined the entire movie. He made dinner, and apparently knew everything there was to know about cooking and food, at least that's how it came across. He was a know it all about anything we had a conversation about.
BUT he was sweet in his own way, he stayed the night and didn't make a move, even after a bottle of wine...and when I finally made a move, it was totally worth it. My roomie and I drove him home the next day, and he was really nice and normal still, even when I dropped him off...still normal. We both said we would talk when we talked, and see where it went. I figured the ball would be in my court if I wanted to see him again. Most guys wait 2-4 days right? WRONG.
Jake started texting and phoning the next day. By the end of the week I had about 20 texts and 5 or 6 missed called, the last few of which he started leaving voicemails. I suddenly realized what it feels like for a guy when a woman decides that she HAS TO make contact. It's stifling and a little bit frightening. I even tried talking to him and saying that I didn't expect this intensity of communication, especially since we'd said it was no big deal. Now, I may have led him on...because (a) I didn't tell him I wasn't looking for a relationship (I was heading to Ireland for a trip a month later...who wants to be tied down on vacation?? well that's where my head was at at THAT point :p), and (b) I didn't tell him to stop calling/texting, I just didn't answer. I figured that at some point he would take a hint and move on. I tend to be the queen of just not responding as a method of cutting ties. Most of the time it works within 2 or 3 communications. This guy was just..more determined.
It finally got to the point where I sent him an email telling him that my therapist (who didn't exist) didn't think that I should be dating at this point in my counselling. I figured it would be the fastest way to put an end to any interest the guy had in me. It didn't work! He told me that he respected that, but would still like to be a part of my life because he cared and wanted to be there for me in whatever capacity I wanted. In the end I told him I have 3 brothers who work in steel, and that I know where he lived and if he didn't want me to put matters into their hands, he was going to stop messaging me. Forever.
Now, he was less normal than Sean, but how do I know he wasn't just nervous? How do I know he wasn't a great guy that REALLY liked me, and was just on edge? My roommate thought he was a nice guy, I'm sure anyone I would have introduced him to would have liked him...but I found him too needy.
So, what's the moral of these two stories? Well, clearly I have a habit of driving nice guys crazy...or at least I did before I realized some of my bad habits and the assumptions I've made.
I really do wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in being an academic and taking myself seriously when I first met Sean, because he was a blast. There are so many conversations I've missed having with him over the years because I was too negative and drove him away, or because I did specific spiteful things, just to make him mad because he'd already made me mad. How pointless, and how spiteful I've been to myself.
As for Jake, well, I wish I could tell him there was no therapist and that he just came on way too strong...because he didn't deserve that.
I just wish I could tell them each these things...well, I've told Sean a few of these things, but I think that ship sailed a loooong time ago.
Hopefully I'll keep this all in mind with the next great guy I meet.
A thought occurred to me, one that I believe has actually crossed my mind before, specifically linked to Mumford & Sons "I Gave You All", and that is: I really wish I could apologize to all of the perfectly normal guys that I've encountered over the years.
There's something about that song that I can't quite put my fingers on, but it really resonates with me. Maybe it's lines like "if only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy, I could have won". It really makes me think about all of the guys I've dismissed out of turn for some small fault or another, real or imagined; ok 99% of the faults were imagined, I admit it. Was I really so determined to maintain the status quo, so afraid of letting someone in, that I found it easier to unravel anything I started at the first stray thread?
There have been so many really great guys over the years that I completely discounted based on shallow, superficial, nonsensical "reasons". I hate to admit it, but my youngest brother once told me that I'd probably be married by now if I'd just stuck with it and given a guy a chance. There are two in particular that I think about, and to be perfectly honest, regret the way I handled things.
As usual, their names have been changed:
1) Sean: We met online 5 or 6 years ago when he answered an online dating ad I'd placed. I'll admit, I didn't even respond to his first couple of emails, mostly because he didn't include a photo, but also because I just didn't really feel anything when I read his emails...they seemed over the top. But on his third email he finally included a photo and I thought he was cute, so we struck up communication. We clicked, we chatted on the phone, texted, emailed, msn'd but never got around to meeting. He was living in a small apartment with a few other guys going to film school, and I was working full time and doing evening/correspondence classes trying to finish my history degree. That was one thing that I liked about him, he'd done a history degree as well. We had something in common as far as our academic interests went.
As time went on he got snippier when we were chatting, and I got more and more annoyed that we hadn't managed to meet in person. When he read a draft of one of my term papers one night and told me online how unoriginal it was and that my school clearly wasn't that good I lost it. We'd been chatting for a few months at that point, and I just didn't care after that. I cut off contact. At some point in the year after that I got back in touch, and we struck up our online friendship again. We finally got to meet in person, and I was excited because we were both single again (he'd been seeing someone when we first reconnected), and I thought this might be it!! I didn't feel a single spark and did my best to keep it on a friendly level from that point on. Over the next year or two we spoke/texted/chatted sporadically at best, but we were both changing. He'd always been sweet and relationship oriented, and I felt like he'd pursued me for the longest time...then suddenly he wasn't. He met someone again. Things got awkward because I had developed feelings for him again over the years of chatting...and when he said "You're one girl I wish I'd gotten to kiss", I felt he wasn't being fair.
So I started messing with his head a bit...intentionally. Telling him all about dates even once he was single again. Making sure he knew that other men found me interesting and appealing. I guess he figured it out, because he started to do similar things, and I finally got fed up and cut off communication again when he started asking if my cute room mate was single. We had been fighting off and on because he kept accusing me of being too negative, and taking myself too seriously. In retrospect he was 100% right. We didn't speak for a long time after that. At one point in 2011 I decided to email him and see how he was, because to be honest, I think about him and miss him more than I'd care to admit. I didn't know what to expect, but when he did write back it wasn't friendly or engaging. I had clearly done a number on him with my passive-aggressive b.s. back in the day. I'd messed up, and tried to explain that, and that I was sorry. I was rebuffed, softly, but essentially rebuffed.
Then I was going through my old phone just before Christmas this year and found his number. I copied it over to my blackberry and waited for New Year's Eve...and added it to the recipient list for my "Happy New Year!!" mass text, figuring that I could at least shrug it off if it wasn't his number anymore or something. 2 days after NYE he responded...saying that he was surprised I still had his number. We went back and forth a few messages, and I asked how life was etcetera. His response was...well, I'm going to say typical, because clearly he's not the same guy he was but I figure I deserve it...he told me that he'd moved to Burnaby 'with a gal' (I'm guessing a girlfriend? but...who knows...), and not to come on so strong and maybe he would message me sometime. Anyone else think that was a polite "fuck off"? So, when I hear "I Gave You All", I think about Sean in particular, and I'm not sure why...but it makes me regret the way I behaved because he was...and probably still is a REALLY great guy.
2) Jake: The story of Jake is MUCH shorter lol
We met online in the same way that I met Sean, except I messaged him from his ad this time. We hit it off, but I discounted him after a couple of msn chats because he kept bringing up his ex. I figured that he was carrying too much baggage (I know, pot, kettle, etcetera!). He kept on though, and we ended up meeting up for coffee one afternoon after I had a bad night with an ex and (I'm not ashamed to admit it) I needed a little esteem boost. He was great, engaging, intelligent, thought I was cute and smart and funny...what more could a girl want?? Well, after 3 hours or so of conversation in Starbucks we decided to make dinner back at my place, since my roommate & her boyfriend would be there for company. We stopped in for an errand or two I had to do on the way home, and that's when the 'faults' started to appear. He criticized my driving, something about me liking to stay in people's blind spots...because he could totally tell from the passenger seat? I don't know...it was odd. He had studied film in Ontario, and all the way through the movie he went on and on about themes, scores, cinematography, and basically ruined the entire movie. He made dinner, and apparently knew everything there was to know about cooking and food, at least that's how it came across. He was a know it all about anything we had a conversation about.
BUT he was sweet in his own way, he stayed the night and didn't make a move, even after a bottle of wine...and when I finally made a move, it was totally worth it. My roomie and I drove him home the next day, and he was really nice and normal still, even when I dropped him off...still normal. We both said we would talk when we talked, and see where it went. I figured the ball would be in my court if I wanted to see him again. Most guys wait 2-4 days right? WRONG.
Jake started texting and phoning the next day. By the end of the week I had about 20 texts and 5 or 6 missed called, the last few of which he started leaving voicemails. I suddenly realized what it feels like for a guy when a woman decides that she HAS TO make contact. It's stifling and a little bit frightening. I even tried talking to him and saying that I didn't expect this intensity of communication, especially since we'd said it was no big deal. Now, I may have led him on...because (a) I didn't tell him I wasn't looking for a relationship (I was heading to Ireland for a trip a month later...who wants to be tied down on vacation?? well that's where my head was at at THAT point :p), and (b) I didn't tell him to stop calling/texting, I just didn't answer. I figured that at some point he would take a hint and move on. I tend to be the queen of just not responding as a method of cutting ties. Most of the time it works within 2 or 3 communications. This guy was just..more determined.
It finally got to the point where I sent him an email telling him that my therapist (who didn't exist) didn't think that I should be dating at this point in my counselling. I figured it would be the fastest way to put an end to any interest the guy had in me. It didn't work! He told me that he respected that, but would still like to be a part of my life because he cared and wanted to be there for me in whatever capacity I wanted. In the end I told him I have 3 brothers who work in steel, and that I know where he lived and if he didn't want me to put matters into their hands, he was going to stop messaging me. Forever.
Now, he was less normal than Sean, but how do I know he wasn't just nervous? How do I know he wasn't a great guy that REALLY liked me, and was just on edge? My roommate thought he was a nice guy, I'm sure anyone I would have introduced him to would have liked him...but I found him too needy.
So, what's the moral of these two stories? Well, clearly I have a habit of driving nice guys crazy...or at least I did before I realized some of my bad habits and the assumptions I've made.
I really do wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in being an academic and taking myself seriously when I first met Sean, because he was a blast. There are so many conversations I've missed having with him over the years because I was too negative and drove him away, or because I did specific spiteful things, just to make him mad because he'd already made me mad. How pointless, and how spiteful I've been to myself.
As for Jake, well, I wish I could tell him there was no therapist and that he just came on way too strong...because he didn't deserve that.
I just wish I could tell them each these things...well, I've told Sean a few of these things, but I think that ship sailed a loooong time ago.
Hopefully I'll keep this all in mind with the next great guy I meet.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Why the ex is an ex...doesn't usually change over time...
Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long, there's been a lot going on since Christmas/New Year's. The cat's better now (yay!), there's no water coming through my ceiling, and work is tolerable (which is a huge leap up from where it has been in the past LOL).
With all of that being said, it's easy to see why I haven't had time to get out and date or find fodder for blogging isn't it? Well, as luck would have it, a few days after I told a friend I'd run out of stuff to blog for the time being...I ran into an ex. The universe gave me plenty of material in that chance encounter and the texting session that followed a couple of nights later.
Let's call him...Jack...that works...it's short, simple, and representative of his personality as a jackass. LOL I'm not bitter, really, but I AM completely amazed that I was into this guy my last 2 years of high school and panted after him for at least 3 years after that. We met in Math 11 in high school, even though he was in grade 10. He sat in front of me, and decided to taste my lip balm one day...it was one of those tins with a lid as opposed to a tube. For whatever reason it was the start of a weird friendship/something more that I couldn't shake for 5 years or so.
He was an athlete on one of the local teams, smart, cute in his own way, and charming enough to get pretty much whatever from whomever he wanted. The problem was that while I fell partially under his charms it drove me nuts, and I was constantly ticked off at him.
As time went on we both ended up at the same college, and since we lived in the same neighborhood we ended up seeing a fair bit of one another which eventually morphed into a not quite relationship. One night, towards the end of this 5 year hassle, we finally hooked up...and it was abysmal, horrible, catastrophic, whatever you want to call it, that was it. Our friendship died within a few weeks and a couple of shouted arguments on public transit later. Not a proud memory, but hey...
I think about him now and then, mainly when I see his parents' place (I still live in the old neighborhood), or come across a tin of peppermint lip balm...but I don't think of him much and given that it's been 8 years, that's a good thing. And then I ran into him at the Skytrain last week.
He was in town for 2 days for some task, staying with his folks. We chatted briefly, then my bus came and I left after giving him my number and saying he should text me so we could catch up. He started with the jabs as soon as I left, texting to say it was him and making sure it worked because "I didn't want to ignore you again". I told him I was going to let that jab slide and he laughed. I wrote back to have a good time visiting the folks and figured that was that. The thing I couldn't help thinking as I mulled over the conversation, was that he hadn't asked me a single thing about myself or what I'd been up to for the last 8 years, and when I tried to share anything he talked right over top of it and told me more about his fantastic life. I don't remember if he did that when we were younger, but he was never the best listener and had clearly gotten MUCH worse with time.
The following night I got a text saying he was horny. How charming! I declared that that was too bad, that I was getting ready for bed. He asked if I'd like to see some pictures...then proceeded to send several unbidden. My poor phone needs to be disinfected at this point :p
The best part of the conversation was when he said "I have a girlfriend". So I figured he was just messing with me about the horny/pictures, being a dog, the usual. I said "That's great, have fun with that." His next message shocked me..."But we have an arrangement/understanding." I was then regaled with the understanding that they have and the rules she has for him to sleep with other people. It blew my mind. I thought that was the worst thing I'd read until I received this: "So? You interested? My **** is willing and ready ;)". I never ever EVER thought I would be in the position to say the following to anyone "Gee, thanks, but no. I make a point of never getting involved with another woman's guy."
What the heck?!?!?!?!?
He took it reasonably, wished me a good night (after some more attempts to convince me to meet up with him), and that was that.
I told a girlfriend about it and she asked "Where do you MEET these creeps?? Why are they drawn to you?" I'd love to say that I met him in a bar, or he was some guy off the net I barely knew, or some other random excuse...but we were kids together in New West. Just goes to show you that the guy/girl next store - not necessarily a decent person. LOL
With all of that being said, it's easy to see why I haven't had time to get out and date or find fodder for blogging isn't it? Well, as luck would have it, a few days after I told a friend I'd run out of stuff to blog for the time being...I ran into an ex. The universe gave me plenty of material in that chance encounter and the texting session that followed a couple of nights later.
Let's call him...Jack...that works...it's short, simple, and representative of his personality as a jackass. LOL I'm not bitter, really, but I AM completely amazed that I was into this guy my last 2 years of high school and panted after him for at least 3 years after that. We met in Math 11 in high school, even though he was in grade 10. He sat in front of me, and decided to taste my lip balm one day...it was one of those tins with a lid as opposed to a tube. For whatever reason it was the start of a weird friendship/something more that I couldn't shake for 5 years or so.
He was an athlete on one of the local teams, smart, cute in his own way, and charming enough to get pretty much whatever from whomever he wanted. The problem was that while I fell partially under his charms it drove me nuts, and I was constantly ticked off at him.
As time went on we both ended up at the same college, and since we lived in the same neighborhood we ended up seeing a fair bit of one another which eventually morphed into a not quite relationship. One night, towards the end of this 5 year hassle, we finally hooked up...and it was abysmal, horrible, catastrophic, whatever you want to call it, that was it. Our friendship died within a few weeks and a couple of shouted arguments on public transit later. Not a proud memory, but hey...
I think about him now and then, mainly when I see his parents' place (I still live in the old neighborhood), or come across a tin of peppermint lip balm...but I don't think of him much and given that it's been 8 years, that's a good thing. And then I ran into him at the Skytrain last week.
He was in town for 2 days for some task, staying with his folks. We chatted briefly, then my bus came and I left after giving him my number and saying he should text me so we could catch up. He started with the jabs as soon as I left, texting to say it was him and making sure it worked because "I didn't want to ignore you again". I told him I was going to let that jab slide and he laughed. I wrote back to have a good time visiting the folks and figured that was that. The thing I couldn't help thinking as I mulled over the conversation, was that he hadn't asked me a single thing about myself or what I'd been up to for the last 8 years, and when I tried to share anything he talked right over top of it and told me more about his fantastic life. I don't remember if he did that when we were younger, but he was never the best listener and had clearly gotten MUCH worse with time.
The following night I got a text saying he was horny. How charming! I declared that that was too bad, that I was getting ready for bed. He asked if I'd like to see some pictures...then proceeded to send several unbidden. My poor phone needs to be disinfected at this point :p
The best part of the conversation was when he said "I have a girlfriend". So I figured he was just messing with me about the horny/pictures, being a dog, the usual. I said "That's great, have fun with that." His next message shocked me..."But we have an arrangement/understanding." I was then regaled with the understanding that they have and the rules she has for him to sleep with other people. It blew my mind. I thought that was the worst thing I'd read until I received this: "So? You interested? My **** is willing and ready ;)". I never ever EVER thought I would be in the position to say the following to anyone "Gee, thanks, but no. I make a point of never getting involved with another woman's guy."
What the heck?!?!?!?!?
He took it reasonably, wished me a good night (after some more attempts to convince me to meet up with him), and that was that.
I told a girlfriend about it and she asked "Where do you MEET these creeps?? Why are they drawn to you?" I'd love to say that I met him in a bar, or he was some guy off the net I barely knew, or some other random excuse...but we were kids together in New West. Just goes to show you that the guy/girl next store - not necessarily a decent person. LOL
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New year...new...what??
Well we’ve made it to 2012, and regardless of what the media/conspiracy theorists/Mayan predictions/doomsday floggers say, it’s a new year full of hope. Right?
What does this mean? Renewal? A “fresh start”? These are tricky terms and can mean so many things…
- Out with the old, in with the new…which so often ends up just like the old anyways. After all, we tend towards the familiar and comfortable.
- Resolutions. What a dirty word!! Maybe my best friend is right, don’t have resolutions, set goals – attainable ones at that.
- “Turning over a new leaf”. Some people totally abandon their old rites/routines/preferences in an effort to find something that will work better. After all, isn’t the definition of insanity repeating the same thing over and over yet expecting different results? However, abandoning everything isn’t really the answer either…catch 22 eh?
I for one am working through the concept of renewal and growth on a couple of different levels.
First, I’m working on spiritual renewal and building a foundation there. By the grace of God and the love and support of friends and church family, it’s working, but man is it ever difficult some days!! Couple that with the stress of the holidays and New Year’s and returning to work after a couple of weeks around the house, and it’s enough to do anyone’s head in isn’t it??
Then there’s the physical renewal. It’s the old “I’ll get fit and healthy THIS YEAR” shtick. We all say it, every year, and some make it through a week or two of sticking to it, some a month or two, and some of us fall off the wagon the first week we have to get up for work again. I tend to fall into the group that makes the resolution but never meets a single appointment with her yoga pants…insomnia and responsibilities usually get to me before I muster up the energy.
Third, the general focus of this blog: dating & relating. Aaaah, you knew I had to return to it eventually didn’t you? ;) Given my previous forays in dating, it’s clear that I’ve been using the insanity method. I always expect a different result, despite the fact that I’ve basically been dating the same men over and over, just with different hair styles and emotional issues. I’ve also had some issues with friends over the last several months. One gal who was a recent acquaintance met up with me for girls’ night, then proceeded to tell me how tired she was, and that she’d almost bailed on our plans. By the end of the night I wished she had. When I messaged her thinking she was still in the ladies room at one point I was told she was halfway home on the train and that I “couldn’t treat [her] that way and expect [her] to stay”. Apparently the fact that a couple of guys struck up conversations with me was completely out of line, especially since I talked back. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it! The outcome of her bad mood that evening was me drunk and alone in a Vancouver bar…having to call my parents for a ride home. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, at 29, I had to phone for a ride home because I was ditched and had too much to drink. Also, Granville Street at midnight or later is really not a fun place to be walking alone, I’m just sayin’! That friendship ended by the time I got home, the advent of Facebook and all its shunning powers at work in the middle of the night.
So what is it that draws me to be friends or date people that are clearly not going to work out in the long run? Well, a large part of it is that I want to believe that everyone’s worth my time, has value and could be great to hang out with. The thing is that so many people make great first or second impressions, only to unravel completely when you pull the first stray thread on their façade.
I’ve started looking at friends like hockey teams, and it’s all thanks to one of my hard hitting forwards, a friend who’s relentless in his pursuit of…I’m not sure what, but he occasionally flips to defense, and he’s a solid friend so he’s not going anywhere. I was talking about an acquaintance/casual friend recently, and admittedly complaining about what I felt was boorish behavior (though nothing like the night out incident!), when he asked “Is she a recent acquisition?” I laughed and thought that was pretty apt, especially when she pulled something recently and it occurred to me, the trade deadline’s near…so I texted my friend and told him “I don’t think she’ll make it past the deadline”.
Wouldn’t it be great if the world worked like hockey? Penalties get handed out (unless you’re a Canucks fan…that’s a whole different story for us haha), people serve their minutes, the game goes on. If you’re offside, play’s stopped. If the puck goes out of play, play’s stopped. You know, basic stuff…why can’t relationships be governed like that? I think I may have to start using these guidelines in my life and see where it goes. Instead of 2 minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct, we’ll give 2 days. Not sure what the parameters would be, but I think it’s doable. Might be fun to come up with a
What do you think?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Quick update on Dating in Metro Vancouver!
So, I fell off the blog wagon in the fall when health/surgical recovery issues took me down for a while. Thankfully I'm back up and mostly mended now! I know you're all DYING to read my inane prattle, just admit it...there's no shame..well, a little, but not much. ;)
When last I wrote I had started to chronicle my recent (if I went back further I'd have to write a book I think!) dating adventures in the Lower Mainland. In the interest of getting the rest off my chest and moving on to newer topics and discussions I'm going to summarize them in rapid succession. Hold onto your hats!
**All names have been changed**
1) Curtis: Personal trainer, former actor. Try watching tv or a movie with THIS guy!! The bitterness that he never got a real foothold in the industry isn't concealed in the slightest. He's openly hostile and critical of actors, especially those that have had the misfortune to work with him (and yes, he has worked with some big ones in small roles, I was made to watch a couple as proof haha). We had 2 dates and he managed to ruin the entertainment portion of each really well. Then there was the chip on his shoulder. The most memorable example being when I exclaimed that something he said/thought was cute and he said "When you say that it makes me feel like you think I'm stupid. I don't like that." I really, really, really wanted to say "man up" but I bit my tongue. If only I had tossed him at that point I wouldn't have gotten to experience his other...let's call it...dysfunction. Anyways, good times...not! Hope I don't run into that man-boy any time soon!
2) Max: Tradesman I met through work. Here's proof that the "Missed Connections" section on Craigslist actually works! He was doing some contract work on campus this summer and he caught my eye. I posted a missed connection figuring it couldn't hurt, and when I got back from vacation I had an email from him. He was able to confirm his identity through email and we set about to talking. He was worried about the fact that he's older and has kids, which wasn't a big deal for me. The thing that I had a problem with was his foot fetish. Yup, foot fetish. Keep in mind he didn't even make a date or attempt to get to know me before telling me that he likes "toes that look like little rolled pieces of cookie dough with red smarties on the end". SERIOUSLY, I could not make that up if I wanted to - and why would I want to?? I tried for a couple of days to wrap my head around it, but in the end I told him I just couldn't deal with it. He was surprisingly nice and that was that.
3) Andrew: Works in northern Alberta, was home for a couple of months on turnaround. We met up after talking on POF for an evening and he got really touchy feely right off the bat. Thankfully it was a work night so I begged off early and sent him on his way, but not before he managed to snag a kiss. He then texted to tell me how much he enjoyed the kiss when he got home, and what else he'd like to have done. And proceeded to spend the next couple of days telling me "It's a guy's job to try to get in his woman's pants, even when she doesn't want him to." I told him to stop contacting me after that message. Where do they get their manners???
4) Zack: In the service industry. I've known of him, and had friends in common in the past so was definitely interested in getting together and seeing what we had in common. Bad move, should have let it remain a mystery haha Nothing in common...yet another Vancouverite guy going to film school with no real sense of where he's headed in life. Except he's 38. Too bad it didn't work out, I really did want to be left wondering where he was nights when he wasn't working or when he would meet some 'actress' and ditch me. Darn! ;)
5) Paul: Professor at a local university. Nice guy, alright looking, educated, English accent, thinks I'm amazing and attractive, didn't try to to anything except hug me when we met. The whole package right? Except no chemistry...at least not on my end. I tried soooo hard to like him, he texted regularly, wanted to get together, had all sorts of ideas for what we could do together...but I pulled a fade-out. I just couldn't make myself like him enough. Nothing wrong with him, and I hope he meets someone great, but in the end it wasn't going to work out. Plus he was anti-religion, so that doesn't work with an Anglo-Catholic girl, now does it?? ;)
Right! There's the quick version of dating in the end of 2011.
I've managed to avoid making any poor dating choices since...let's say October...yeah that sounds about right. That may be because I've stopped meeting anyone that doesn't really spark something in me over email, so I haven't met anyone since then haha.
The one fellow that has attempted to talk to me in 2012 (all 4 days of it so far haha) was on Plentyoffish the other night. He was on Vancouver Island so I thought it was odd, but some people go back and forth regularly so I accepted the message/chat. He was...not...he...I can't describe him politely. Hmm...he wanted to chat on Skype because MSN wasn't cooperating so we did, and when he logged on he looked like he could have fit in well with the Trailer Park Boys, and actually made them look attractive...get the picture?? He then started talking about nudity and living alone and how great it was and that he was nude from the waist down. So I started talking about church :D the conversation ended REALLY quickly after that hahahahaha
Aaaaaaaaah it takes all kinds, I just don't want them in MY life!!!
Onto the next experience, right? ;)
When last I wrote I had started to chronicle my recent (if I went back further I'd have to write a book I think!) dating adventures in the Lower Mainland. In the interest of getting the rest off my chest and moving on to newer topics and discussions I'm going to summarize them in rapid succession. Hold onto your hats!
**All names have been changed**
1) Curtis: Personal trainer, former actor. Try watching tv or a movie with THIS guy!! The bitterness that he never got a real foothold in the industry isn't concealed in the slightest. He's openly hostile and critical of actors, especially those that have had the misfortune to work with him (and yes, he has worked with some big ones in small roles, I was made to watch a couple as proof haha). We had 2 dates and he managed to ruin the entertainment portion of each really well. Then there was the chip on his shoulder. The most memorable example being when I exclaimed that something he said/thought was cute and he said "When you say that it makes me feel like you think I'm stupid. I don't like that." I really, really, really wanted to say "man up" but I bit my tongue. If only I had tossed him at that point I wouldn't have gotten to experience his other...let's call it...dysfunction. Anyways, good times...not! Hope I don't run into that man-boy any time soon!
2) Max: Tradesman I met through work. Here's proof that the "Missed Connections" section on Craigslist actually works! He was doing some contract work on campus this summer and he caught my eye. I posted a missed connection figuring it couldn't hurt, and when I got back from vacation I had an email from him. He was able to confirm his identity through email and we set about to talking. He was worried about the fact that he's older and has kids, which wasn't a big deal for me. The thing that I had a problem with was his foot fetish. Yup, foot fetish. Keep in mind he didn't even make a date or attempt to get to know me before telling me that he likes "toes that look like little rolled pieces of cookie dough with red smarties on the end". SERIOUSLY, I could not make that up if I wanted to - and why would I want to?? I tried for a couple of days to wrap my head around it, but in the end I told him I just couldn't deal with it. He was surprisingly nice and that was that.
3) Andrew: Works in northern Alberta, was home for a couple of months on turnaround. We met up after talking on POF for an evening and he got really touchy feely right off the bat. Thankfully it was a work night so I begged off early and sent him on his way, but not before he managed to snag a kiss. He then texted to tell me how much he enjoyed the kiss when he got home, and what else he'd like to have done. And proceeded to spend the next couple of days telling me "It's a guy's job to try to get in his woman's pants, even when she doesn't want him to." I told him to stop contacting me after that message. Where do they get their manners???
4) Zack: In the service industry. I've known of him, and had friends in common in the past so was definitely interested in getting together and seeing what we had in common. Bad move, should have let it remain a mystery haha Nothing in common...yet another Vancouverite guy going to film school with no real sense of where he's headed in life. Except he's 38. Too bad it didn't work out, I really did want to be left wondering where he was nights when he wasn't working or when he would meet some 'actress' and ditch me. Darn! ;)
5) Paul: Professor at a local university. Nice guy, alright looking, educated, English accent, thinks I'm amazing and attractive, didn't try to to anything except hug me when we met. The whole package right? Except no chemistry...at least not on my end. I tried soooo hard to like him, he texted regularly, wanted to get together, had all sorts of ideas for what we could do together...but I pulled a fade-out. I just couldn't make myself like him enough. Nothing wrong with him, and I hope he meets someone great, but in the end it wasn't going to work out. Plus he was anti-religion, so that doesn't work with an Anglo-Catholic girl, now does it?? ;)
Right! There's the quick version of dating in the end of 2011.
I've managed to avoid making any poor dating choices since...let's say October...yeah that sounds about right. That may be because I've stopped meeting anyone that doesn't really spark something in me over email, so I haven't met anyone since then haha.
The one fellow that has attempted to talk to me in 2012 (all 4 days of it so far haha) was on Plentyoffish the other night. He was on Vancouver Island so I thought it was odd, but some people go back and forth regularly so I accepted the message/chat. He was...not...he...I can't describe him politely. Hmm...he wanted to chat on Skype because MSN wasn't cooperating so we did, and when he logged on he looked like he could have fit in well with the Trailer Park Boys, and actually made them look attractive...get the picture?? He then started talking about nudity and living alone and how great it was and that he was nude from the waist down. So I started talking about church :D the conversation ended REALLY quickly after that hahahahaha
Aaaaaaaaah it takes all kinds, I just don't want them in MY life!!!
Onto the next experience, right? ;)
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