Why is it that you can have such utterly different views on
how interpersonal encounters go?
Why do we end up with such vastly disparate understandings
of what's going on during communication with another human being?
How is it that words can mean completely different things to
people who are speaking the same language, written in black and white?
It is hard enough trying to have conversations with people
you know well and feel you understand, but when you're trying to get to know
someone, and you haven't truly learned their communication style or how they go
about their interactions, it's a potential minefield of hurt feelings,
misunderstandings and plain old frustration.
This is what I'm finding with dating now. At first it was
just the bad dates (if you've forgotten, look back at previous posts LOL), and
creeps who I wouldn't give the time of day in future. Now however, it's a
matter of meeting nice, normal, successful, intelligent men and then having to
navigate through the second date…and occasionally the third date. Once you've
done that and enjoy one another's company how much do you communicate or don't,
and what you do communicate, and when do you ask if they're seeing anyone else?
When do you feel comfortable with intimacy, whether it's
been a topic or not? Just because you've made out and find each other
attractive isn't enough of a reason to jump into bed – helluva motivation
though! How do you decide to take a leap and chance that maybe they're just
looking for a fling despite what you think they know – because have you
actually told them your expectations, or did you assume they took your initial
flirtations and statement of intent on some online site as real??
And then, what happens if you compound all of that normal,
everyday romantic/dating/male-female whatever interplay with something
traumatic or upsetting in the life of one of the parties, what do you do then?
As the one dealing with it do you cut your losses when it's clear the other
half isn't up to the situation or just doesn't engage on the level you
need/want/expect? Do you wait it out and acknowledge that it's likely YOU that
has to work through this and that you shouldn't let it impact what's going on
with the other? As the other, what do you do with this information? Do you
attempt to be supportive and see if something more comes of the burgeoning
interaction/relationship-ish, or do you cut your losses because this is new and
maybe this isn't what you really wanted to deal with at this point?
There are so many things that go on in the startup of any
human relationship, be it platonic, professional, familial (new sibling etc),
or romantic. It's impossible to know just what's going on in another person's
head, even if they're telling you, because maybe it's only part of their truth –
or none of it. Are we too scared of failure to be vulnerable and real? Is the
instant gratification of texting and instant messaging destroying the mystery
and excitement of new relationships and getting to know one another?
It's a wonder anyone gets together and procreates
intentionally any more considering the hassles…
